


Body, Mind, and Soul Language: The Language Of Love & The Bond Of T’hy’la…

by KSForever



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Acceptance, Being intersex in the 23rd Century, Coming Out, Family, Finding Love, Gender Dysphoria, Intersex, Intersex Character, Intersex Jim, LGBTQ author, M/M, Might not be totally true of being intersex in reality, Pregnancy of a Queer character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25995811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: A story from 2012 that I thought I’d already posted.Added lines as of 23.9.20Jim comes out to Spock as intersex. He’s in love with Spock.Non Binary/Genderfluid/Thinking of transitioning FTM author who has always thought being intersex would make sense of who they are (although I don’t take the plight of people who actually are intersex and don’t want to be, lightly).I am LGBTQ and Gender Dysphoric (FTM) myself - with some contradictions, in that I have very strong Maternal instincts. This is the only part of me that feels like it’s come from a female place. It’s really the only way in which I’ve wanted to join ‘the female race’. So, though, I don’t think I can claim to be, I have always thought that being discovered to be intersex would explain me. This story comes from that. You might have to suspend belief a bit; I don’t know, for certain, if pregnancy is possible for intersex people. I think, usually, one set of genitalia is more complete and developed or at least unhidden and accessible, than the other. My only defence is, this story is set in the 23rd Century - by which time, things could be different. I do not mean to offend anyone who is actually intersex.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

Body, Mind, and Soul Language: The Language Of Love & The Bond Of T’hy’la…

“I’ve just decided, Mr Spock; I have something to tell you!” Jim lay in his quarters with his legs over the end of his bed.

“What would that be, Captain?” Spock asked, removing Jim’s boots for him.

“There’s a reason I fly at women at warp speed!” Jim looked up at his ceiling, knowing he was slightly drunk.

“Yes, Captain; I would think that there is.” Spock mused.

“Have you ever looked at me in the shower?” Jim went on.

“No, Captain – of course I have not.” Spock noted.

“Oh, Mr Spock, I am hurt by that!” Jim laughed.

“You are?” Spock tried to ascertain.

“Yes!” Jim said.

“What are you trying to tell me, James?” Spock pondered aloud.

“Jim, Spock. My name is Jim.” Jim replied.

“Jim.” Spock acquiesced. “What are you trying to tell me?”

“Have you ever heard of the term ‘intersex’?” Jim furthered. “I think that’s what they call it, or what they used to call it years ago…”

“I have.” Spock stated truthfully.

Jim sat up, a little lopsidedly. “It’s normal for many races, many species out here…”

“It is.” Spock agreed.

“… But it isn’t for me…” Jim replied.

“What do you mean, Jim? I would not have thought you to be a man of prejudice.” Spock fathomed.

“That’s the thing.” Jim began explaining. “I’m not a man.” He explained quickly, and didn’t stop there… “Well, I am. I am a man – But I’m not. Or, people wouldn’t think I am, if they knew…”

“Knew what, Jim?” Spock thought he could figure it out, but that he should hear it from Jim.

“The Doctors tell me I have a womb… I’ve always known. Bones knows, too, of course. – But he’s sworn to secrecy, and so are you now…” Jim, tired, wiped his face with the side of his hand.

“I promise.” Spock did so faithfully.

“You can go now.” Jim answered.

“If you want me to.” Spock turned to leave.

“This is just between us…” Jim called.

“Always, Jim. It will go no further, as I promised.” Spock said, before he left.

**

Months went by, and Spock kept his word. In fact, it was like Jim had never mentioned a thing.

Now, laying on the ground of the cave, waiting for the next transporter window to beam him and Spock to safety, Jim found himself mentioning it again. “There’s more to what I told you that night when I was drunk…”

Spock looked down to meet Jim’s upward gaze, as his friend lay across his lap.

“I’m gay, Spock… Bisexual at least… Other intra-sex people are not – Not at all. I am.” Jim mentioned.

“I see.” Spock replied.

“Do you?” Jim asked. “I don’t tell people because if they knew, they’d say it was the womb thing… Ask me why I didn’t have the operation at some point – Because I don’t want it. I’m a man. I’m happy as a man. It’s not about that.”

“Of course not.” Spock replied.

“Do you understand, Spock?” Jim queried.

“I do, Jim.” Spock answered honestly.

“Are you sure?” Jim asked, moving, uncomfortable because of his injuries.

Spock moved to soothe Jim, allowing himself to touch, to allow the contact to help this person so important to him, putting aside the fact that it might make him feel ‘troubled’ himself. “I do, Jim. I do understand.”

“I love you, Spock.” Jim told him.

In the next moments, the Enterprise’s transporter beam took them up to safety.

“Sorry we could not tell ye both…” Scotty said, as they appeared on the transporter pad before him. “The interference would not allow Communication…”

Spock looked at Jim. 

Jim looked at Spock.

“Are the two of ye alright?” Scotty worriedly enquired.

“Yes, Scotty. Yes.” Jim affirmed, without looking at him properly.

Spock stood, scooping Jim up in his arms, and standing there.

Then, McCoy and his team burst in to the room.

**

Spock waited outside Jim’s quarters.

Then, the doors to them opened, and Jim ‘appeared’. “Come in, my friend…” He said tiredly.

Spock did so, and the doors shut behind him. “Are you well enough for me to visit?”

Jim smiled. “I think so…”

“I’ll go, if you wish..?” Spock asked.

“No. I’ll not send you away this time…” Jim said gently. “At least, I hope I won’t have to.”

“You won’t.” Spock assured him.

“Do you want to sit down?” Jim looked to his friend.

Spock sat on the sofa opposite the one on which Jim sat, a coffee table between them… “Jim, do you wish me to continue the conversation you started in the cave?”

“Do you wish to?” Jim questioned.

“Yes.” Spock replied truthfully.

Jim stared in to Spock’s eyes. “Go on then…” He murmured evenly, somehow.

Spock stood up, and navigated his way around the coffee table. He stood between it and the sofa on which Jim sat, looking intently at Jim in front of him.

Jim just looked up at him, trying not to give anything away.

Spock crouched down, and reached out to Jim’s hands, which Jim had rested in his lap.

They looked up and into one another’s eyes at the very same time.

“I love you, too.” Spock told Jim.

Jim smiled – the whole of him smiled. “You don’t mind? You know, about..?”

“No. I do not mind. You are a man. You have nothing to prove to anyone, least of all to me. I love you. You are a man – a man I love. – The man I love. I will make love to you as a man…” He paused. “Unless you would like me to… I have seen nothing of it when I have seen you in the shower, but I assume, from what you’ve said..?”

“Yes, Spock.” Jim grinned, relieved and yet still feeling as though what they were talking about, how they were talking about it, was a little absurd… However you were meant to talk about these things! Heavens, it should be known by now, how, in the 23rd Century! “There is an opening… The thing has lips…”

“ ‘The Thing’ is part of you, Jim, and I will love it like I love the rest of you, as I will love the rest of you if you wish me to…” Spock told him genuinely.

“You would do that for me..? I mean, I’m not sure if I want you to, or if I don’t, if you know what I mean – But you would do that for me?” Jim looked even deeper in to Spock’s absolutely lovely eyes.

Spock nodded. He slowly got up, and sat next to Jim on his sofa, turning to face him. “As I said, I love thee, Jim. Tu Dena Val.”

“Would you want to? I mean, you’re not just saying it because you love me, or because you know how it feels to want to be accepted as you are..?” Jim furthered.

“I am not just saying it, Jim. I want whatever will make you truly happy. Do you know what ‘Tu Dena Val’ means?”

Jim shook his head, not turning from his friend.

“I am devoted to you.” Spock told him, wholeheartedly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Jim moved forward, with a tad more of his customary confidence.

He touched Spock behind the half-Vulcan’s left ear, with a slow, caressing, long finger.

Spock could not help but lean in to Jim’s touch, in and forward.

Jim kissed Spock’s beautiful lips.

Spock held up his left hand, his fingers awaiting a Vulcan kiss.

Jim touched his corresponding fingers to those Spock held ready, anticipating.

Their fingers, their lips, their tongues, and as it went on, more and more of their bodies, embraced the deeply felt love of one another… They were each learning, though, until they joined, only one of them had heard of the term, what ‘T’hy’la’ meant. They found the meaning in one another, through the bond realised…

The End..?  
5.3.12


	2. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim tries to explain himself because he finally feels that he is beginning on the path to be unburdened. Spock understands.

Pillow Talk

Spock kissed Jim’s neck, held him lovingly.

Jim rolled over to face his new lover, and rearranged the man’s arms so that they both could still enjoy the embrace; what it meant to them both. “You’ve got to be wondering, or could you tell, through the meld..?”

“You don’t have to explain to me if you do not wish to.” Spock let him know.

“I have not had the operation, the other kind, to remove it because…” Jim began. “There’s a whole mountain of reasons why not – Right next to the other mountain of reasons I’d probably be happier… more settled if I did.”

“Jim, it is part of you, but you are more than it alone…” Spock replied earnestly.

“I know. I do get that. On the one hand, I know it is part of me, and I am afraid to be rid of it because who knows what it’d do to me… Would it change my mind-set? I haven’t thought about any of it, not properly. I know it would be easier to deny it if it wasn’t there, if it’d been removed… But when everyone thinks you’re the… the consummate male anyway… When they don’t even know, it’s easy to deny its existence. Well, sort of. Sort of easy. It’s a personal triumph, if you get me? To say, ‘look, here’s me, being me, battling away, and you don’t even know…’ “

“Believe me, I do, ‘get you’…” Spock admitted.

Jim reached and caressed Spock’s face. “Of course you do…” He said, in awe. He paused again. “I will shut up about all this eventually, I promise… And, if it gets too much for you to handle… I mean, God, Spock, if I am, I don’t mean to be pushing you away… I don’t think. I’ve done that a lot, my whole life. If I got rid of it, would I stop doing that? Would I stop having the excuse? No. I don’t want to keep it because of that! I don’t. Maybe, I’m just a Wuss! You know me and the sickbay, anything medical..! Literally, I have an allergy to it!”

“You do have several allergies, yes.” Spock noted, not unkindly. “The question is, do you truly wish to get rid of…”

“My internal female body parts?” Jim interjected, with a certain amount of weary mirth. “Well, I don’t entirely understand why I keep them. It’s not like they’re active. I probably won’t ever have a family anyway… This life’s not really suited…” Jim mused. “But then, if I did get rid of them; is that like saying ‘yeah, they threaten me..?’ Why should I have to get rid of them? We’re in the 23rd Century. Being intra-sex is the way some races were designed – and they’re secure enough to know who they are! I’m not saying I want the Universes to know my business; that there aren’t still some bigots out there, human and otherwise, who wouldn’t laugh at me at best… I don’t want to be subject to their ‘taunting’, but I don’t want to condone their opinions, conform to their ideals either. I’m not always big on conformity!” Jim grinned. 

“That is true…” Spock affirmed, the tiniest hint of observational humour he allowed into his voice and expression.

“For those, like me, and those not like me, who are intra-sex, I don’t want to send out the wrong signal to them either – I’m not exactly ashamed of the way I am. I wouldn’t want those like me to think I reject them. I may envy how comfortable they are with that fact about themselves, but I don’t resent them, for any reason…” Jim both explained and confided.

“Completely understandable, Ashaya, and admirable. Very admirable.” Spock caressed Jim’s back.

Jim writhed in the all surrounding bliss of what Spock was doing to him, felt him in every sense of the word, his love, his care, not least because this Vulcan was actually a great communicator, through the meld that had not yet completely died away, probably never would now, between them. ‘Never and always touching and touched’… T’hy’la.

Jim smiled as something occurred to him.

“Yes, the lights are on, my love. It is no longer dark.” Spock affirmed. He knew what exactly had just crossed Jim’s mind.

“And, I’m not hiding… God, how many times have I batted hands away from where… you… are…” he breathed. “Now!” He spoke, as relief continued to flood through him. “How many times! How often have I turned the light off, or distracted someone so that they couldn’t turn the light on, couldn’t see… Male lovers… Female lovers… Didn’t matter which. I was always under the covers, or partly concealed, apart from… Yes – That!” Jim’s hips rocked as he keened for Spock. “They weren’t allowed to see… Weren’t allowed to do what you’re doing now, unless I could make sure they didn’t get to see everything, somehow…”

Spock moved, fingers, lips, kissing, kissing…

“Oh, Spock…” Jim sighed, cried, felt himself open up the way he so desperately needed to. “Spock!” He called, his fingers carding through Spock’s black, silken hair at the nape of his warm, elegant, sculpted neck. He clasped him so lovingly. “Spock!” Jim came.

Spock drank down Jim’s seed, held him, lovingly, for as long as they both needed.

As Spock dragged himself up the bed, in contact with Jim all the way, pressed, exquisitely against him, Jim was with him every moment, with him in the moment, each one, holding Spock as he wanted to be held. An old saying so aptly described the ‘mechanics’ of it, but so much more was going on. They bumped and grinded ‘against’ one another – But they were not working against one another at all. They never would.

“Thank you!” Jim traced the tip of one of Spock’s ears again, with the fingers of one hand, while using the other hand, and its magic fingers, to play with the tip of Spock’s that lay beneath the sheets that they were wrapped up in almost as much as they were wrapped up in each other.

“Thank you, Jim…” Spock spoke with the love he undeniably felt.

“I know just how to thank you!” Jim smirked cheekily. And thus, he began to put his skills as a lover to work again, this time, specifically, his skills as the lover on top, and, with Spock especially, with special insight in to what the lover below him wanted so much…

The End..?  
5.3.12


	3. The Treasured Kiss of A Lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of a new chapter that Jim and Spock will spend together...

The Treasured Kiss Of A Lifetime…

Jim lay back on his bed at his home when he was on Earth; The Kirk Family Ranch. He gloried in being here, still. He hadn’t got used to it. “This is beautiful…” He said.

“What is?” Spock asked, standing at the foot of the bed in the quaintly decorated room.

“Being here, Spock, and being here with you, is more than I ever dared dream…” He smiled.

“You are certainly not dreaming now, T’hy’la…” Spock noted.

Jim moved, propped himself up on his elbows, and looked at Spock, who was undressing and putting his clothes on the chair to one side of the bedroom door. He looked at Spock appreciatively. 

Spock walked over, and sat beside Jim, taking him in to an embrace.

“All those years ago, when Scotty beamed us back on to the Enterprise…” Jim began.

“From the cave…” Spock interjected.

“I told you I love you, and then, the next minute, we couldn’t say a thing because everyone was looking at us… Bones came rushing in with his team and a gurney to take me to Sickbay, and you lifted me up; given what we had just talked about, I felt like a damsel in distress, being rescued, and I didn’t give a damn – I didn’t. I didn’t care how it might look; didn’t care about all the usual macho crap. I felt confident. I felt like the truest version of me I can be.” Jim tried to explain.

“I know what you mean.” Spock mentioned.

“I know.” Jim smiled, cupping Spock’s face with his hands and kissing him very carefully. “We got here…” He said, his lips millimetres from Spock’s skin. “This time is for us. No starship considerations…”

“None.” Spock echoed, and then he kissed Jim.

In the moments afterwards, they still kissed and embraced.

“I’m ready now, Spock… I truly am.” Jim honestly stated.

“I do not wish to start a chain of events that might lead you to question yourself again.” Spock noted aloud.

“Leonard has always told me, when he’s done tests, that I’m lucky, that my testosterone levels compensate; they remain at whatever level they need to, to deal with the oestrogen I’ve got floating around inside me.” Jim spoke the truth.

“And what if, what we wish to do, changes that..?” Spock asked.

“What if it activates things, you mean?” Jim pondered.

“Yes.” Spock affirmed.

“Well then, I guess that’ll make up my mind after a lifetime of just not dealing with it. I’ll have the op to remove the womb – Get some hormone therapy.” Jim weighed things up.

“Are you sure, Jim? We cannot always have everything we want in life; I will not allow my own emotionalism to put you at risk.” Spock told him without doubt. “We could be risking your health, and thus, our, happiness, just for the thrill of a new moment to share in our love life… And, because I love you Jim, I…” Spock looked in to James T. Kirk’s eyes.

“You mean, you’ll rescue me from myself like you always do?” Jim grinned.

“Tu Dena Val, Jim… Remember?” Spock said patiently, knowing he would.

“Yes.” Jim leant in and initiated another warm, tingling, wonderful, savoured, sweet kiss. Body, mind, and soul.

“Maybe, we could just start out with a bit of reconoitary exploring?” He asked of Spock.

“We are Explorers…” Spock murmured, as he considered Jim’s idea.

“I have this thing inside of me, Spock, that I’ve never fully accepted… I feel ready. Please, help me again..?” Jim asked.

Spock answered Jim, his T’hy’la, with a treasured kiss, of fingers and lips, both, and then, laid him back on their bed…

The End..?

6.3.12


	4. Immoveable Through Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Concerned for Jim's health, Spock & he invite McCoy to the Ranch & confide in their true friend...

Immoveable Through Love

“I take it that you invited me here for a reason…” McCoy sat down on the veranda at Jim’s family ranch, and looked to the side of him, to his friend, Jim.

Jim grinned, knowingly. “How come you can always figure me out…”

“It’s my job, Jim, that’s why – as your friend, as your Doctor…” Leonard mentioned.

“You always have had the habit of mothering your patients, even those around your age…” Jim noted.

“That’s what being brought up in a family filled with women has somehow done to me, I guess.” Leonard H. McCoy hypothesized. “How’s life for you two, out here?”

Spock walked on to the veranda, having tidied away the dinner things inside the house. “We have something to talk to you about, Doctor.” Spock sat beside Jim.

“Yes.” McCoy looked at them both. “Jim was saying so…”

“Things have been going well, Bones…” Jim began.

“And?” McCoy expertly asked. “Or should that be but?”

“Only thing is, we’re not sure about something that’s been going on with me…” Jim furthered.

“Jim has been experiencing some feelings of ‘something not quite being right’, as he puts it…” Spock interjected.

“What? Where??” McCoy asked for clarity.

Jim looked at Leonard.

“Ah.” McCoy understood. “What’s been going on?”

“General nausea, hot sweats, lethargy, that kind of thing…” Jim admitted.

“Do you have anything to add to that list?” McCoy asked Spock.

“He is sometimes unsteady on his feet.” Spock told McCoy.

“Did anything precipitate this, as such? How long’s it been going on for?” The Doctor asked.

“Approximately fifteen Earth weeks…” Spock spoke up.

Leonard looked to Jim.

“He’s right.” Jim answered.

“Anything happen?” McCoy went back to the first part of his question.

Jim looked to Spock.

“You must tell him. I will not embarrass, though I will admit to concern that I should have stopped this chain of events from beginning…” Spock confided.

“Jim talked you in to something?” McCoy asked not unsympathetically. He knew he’d guessed correctly, even before voicing the query.

“It was the next step in my accepting the womb, Bones… I asked Spock to use that route when we were making love…” Jim admitted. “I figured if something we did kicked it off, made it start working like one of those things should, it’d help me decide to finally have it removed…”

“Before we book the operating room, I have to check you over, Jim – your womb, and everywhere else, from top to toe. It might not be the womb.” McCoy stated honestly.

**

McCoy turned to Jim, who was laying on his and Spock’s bed.

“Those gadgets tell you anything?” Jim asked. “Or, are you going to book me in to stay overnight at the nearest sickbay, before I go under the knife?”

McCoy sat on the side of the bed beside Jim.

Spock sat on the other side of Jim, reading McCoy’s expression as ‘something important will imminently be said’.

“Jim, don’t hyperventilate on me now…” He began.

“Tell me, Bones…” Jim tried to keep calm.

“Welcome to the club of human males who are pregnant…” McCoy answered. He looked at Jim, then, at Spock.

Jim and Spock looked at one another.

“Is your first thought still to get rid of the womb?” Leonard asked.

“Does this mean I’m finally going to turn more female than male? And, if I don’t, is that going to hurt the baby? I mean, will I need to overdose on Oestrogen?”

“We’ll have to monitor and manage things…” Leonard replied. “Your body has been brilliant, your life so far, at balancing things…”

“But that might not be what needs to happen, Bones.” Jim mentioned.

“Possibly not.” McCoy admitted. “We’ll see you through this, if that’s what you want…”

“Could the foetus be transplanted into a synthetic womb?” Spock queried.

“We’ll have to do some tests to ascertain that…” McCoy answered both his friends. 

“Not only am I a pregnant human male, but I’m also a considerably middle aged human male…” Jim murmured. His fingers sort out Spock’s, which were there, waiting for him, and the Vulcan sign of their love…

“Even in the 20th and 21st Century, women could, with medical help, be capable of pregnancy when they were sixty-something years of age… And, life expectancy for us humans is about one hundred years plus, these days…” Leonard said.

“Women still outnumbered the men when it came to those pregnant sixty somethings, I’ll bet…” Jim figured.

“Intra-sex males gave birth and still were viably able to go on living as the men that they are, Jim.” McCoy touched his friend’s arm.

“Were…” Jim corrected.

“Are, Jim.” McCoy assured.

“You always have been, and always will be, a great example of the male of your species, Jim.” Spock noted.

“Such resounding praise!” McCoy grinned. “Believe it, Jim.”

**

McCoy had gone to bed in the room across the hall, and Jim lay in bed with Spock, as the light outdoors faded on this summer night.

“…More than what I said earlier in front of our friend; You are the man I always have, and always will, love, Jim. I assure you!” Spock held Jim close.

Jim looked into the eyes of his T’hy’la. “I know…” He smiled wearily.

“Let yourself sleep, Jim…” Spock stroked Jim’s back.

“Yeah…” He yawned. “I might not be getting a lot of sleep, especially in about five months’ time…”

Jim and Spock held on to each other, through sheer and immoveable love…

The End..?  
11.3.12


	5. Repercussions of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is experiencing worry, and, with some encouragement from the man himself, confides in McCoy. As ever, they pledge and vow to help Jim, who is a soul mate to each of them, though for different reasons, of course...

Repercussions Of Love

“This is not your fault, Spock.” McCoy said, meaning it, as he walked beside Spock, who stood looking out onto one of the paddocks at Kirk Ranch.

“I am the logical one, supposedly.” Spock noted. “I should have realised that what we did could lead to this, that the possibly of getting ‘things working’ risked this.”

“The odds are almost astronomical.” Leonard noted.

“An exaggeration, Doctor.” Spock noted.

“Not by much!” McCoy ‘retorted’.

“He always has had a way of beating the odds… Even you cannot argue with that.” Spock stated.

“Can’t I?” McCoy frowned. “It wasn’t working, Spock. We weren’t even sure it could. And Jim, God Bless him, has a way he’s not always aware of, of talking the people who love him, in to things… You were trying to help him. He’s always needed your help. You are a Godsend to that man!”

Spock looked at McCoy askance, said nothing.

“Believe it, Mister!” McCoy ordered. “And don’t you be too hard on yourself! Conception of a hybrid baby, as you well know, being one, is not supposed to be that easy – You two made it look like a piece of cake!”

Spock’s usual eyebrow made its usual move.

“Now, it’s my job, my colleague’s job,” McCoy spoke of his most trusted Doctor friend at the nearest hospital, where Jim would go if care were needed, and check-ups could not be taken care of in the privacy of his home, “and the job of that Vulcan healer, to help you guys make the rest of it look like a piece of cake!” McCoy replied.

Spock nodded.

“I’ll be here once a month from now on, and any time you two might need any help I can offer, in between those times. I still work at a clinic a couple of times a week, so I’m not too old to know about all the latest Doctorly stuff yet… I will likely bring my medical colleague from the Vulcan embassy along with me, each month – someone to talk to in the shuttle on the way over here… Too much precious medical gear to just trust to a transporter, and having some kind of runabout available is always a good idea…”

Spock replied, “Of course…” Not unkindly. “At some point, you may even have my father, if he’s at the Vulcan Embassy, join you in your trip over here… Perhaps, even my mother.” He’d told his father the news because he’d had to speak with him about the fact that Vulcan Healers would need to be consulted. He knew his father knew the best. He also knew his mother and father had, in a sense, been through this themselves – with him. Spock looked over to Jim, asleep on the Veranda’s ’sofa-swing’.

“Can you sense anything?” McCoy asked.

“No. He is well.” Spock assured them both by saying it. “I should soon be able to sense the baby… Thoughts, general health and the like… Unborn children are somewhat aware of the world outside of the womb. I simply am unsure of the wisdom of becoming a presence the child may miss, if she or he has to be moved to a synthetic womb. I also do not wish to endanger the child’s health or Jim’s any more than I likely already have.”

“Not your fault, remember?” McCoy chided.

Spock nodded again, and began walking back toward Jim, though, really he’d not strayed far enough to leave the man he loved in any danger.

McCoy walked with him, and they each took their seat again, beside Jim, where each of them, for their own individual reason(s), belonged…

The End..? 11.3.12


	6. Giving You My Love, As Always…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has some concerns - Spock hears him out, and assures him lovingly...

Giving You My Love, As Always…

“You do not mind that I told my mother and father?” Spock queried.

Jim smiled. “I told you to. This baby is their grandchild!” 

“Yes.” Spock nodded, as he and Jim sat in the snug, curled op together on the synth-leather sofa there.

“Besides, they are the soul of discretion, I know that.” Jim put down his book, a gift Spock had given him. He’d picked it up because he was driving himself mad, reading about pregnancy health and the like…

“Be certain of it, Jim.” Spock assured him.

Jim touched his T’hy’la’s fingers. “I am.” He promised. “At some point, the wider world will probably know, to some extent, what’s going on here…” He frowned.

“Do not worry over it, now or ever.” Spock said.

“I’ll try not to…” Jim made another promise.

Spock held Jim close, and made him and the baby a promise, too.

Jim moved slightly, so that he could better reach to kiss Spock’s face, caress those beautiful ears. Spock, I think I need to mention something, to talk… And, we don’t need to be shy… Even inheriting your ears, I don’t think he can hear, or make much sense of some things we adults talk about, no matter how clever, even logical, he might already be… Jim admitted, mind to mind, with Spock.

Jim, I have complete confidence. You will still be able to make love to me, to enter me… Just because I entered you and have made you pregnant, that does not, and has not, taken away your right or your ability to indulge in equal opportunities to be ‘the one on top’, as you phrase it, and as you and I have always enjoyed before… The time will come again when you feel…

Up to it? Kirk interjected and joked.

That is not a worry, and we do have evidence of that between us even now…Spock told Jim, without vocal words, and through their bond.

I’m still the Captain, huh? Jim gently laughed. No – I’m not pulling rank on you, Spock. We’ve always been equal, and we’re still equal now – I know that. Yes, Ashaya, I know you do, too… This isn’t the dark ages. Clearly. Equality is regardless of gender. And, it’s not like we never touch anymore… 

Your gender is still, and has always been, male, Jim. Your body knows that.

Yes, and, for the first time, that’s what worries me…

I know. I apologise. I did not mean – I know you know – But still, I find I must say it.

Bless you! Jim smiled.

We just have to keep taking your meds, Jim, and…

… Have faith?

Yes. The time will come when it is both advisable, thus, appropriate and altogether achievable… We will again join in the way of which we speak… We are obviously not too old for such matters, and while it is said that becoming a parent does age a person, I know that we will have many trusted babysitters to call upon, should we need some time alone, for whatever reason…

Jim said it before he even said it, as he smiled from within, and Spock knew it as completely as he did, and as completely as, in the same instant, Spock told Jim the same in regards to him… “I love you, T’hy’la…”

They kissed again, so very deeply, as they were utterly entwined on the sofa…

The End..? 12.3.12


	7. My Tender Loving Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment between Jim and Spock, in the weeks before their baby is born...

My Tender Loving Care

Jim walked out of the sonic shower cubicle, and sat, gratefully on the other bench, the one outside of it.

Spock knelt before Jim, massaging his legs and feet. He looked up then, into Jim’s eyes. “Don’t, Jim. Don’t feel like that – It is not true, not at all…” He paused. “Please, do not take a step backward.”

“With these ankles?” Jim grinned, as he asked.

Spock gave Jim ‘the look’.

“I’m not going backward, I promise… If this all works out, and continues to, beyond the obvious point,” Jim looked heavenward a moment, in some kind of prayer, “then I will love this womb of mine… I will be so grateful for the wonderful gift of a life so precious.”

“He will be fine, Jim, as will you…” Spock stood, and took Jim’s hands in his, helping him to stand.

“Let’s go to bed, my love…” Spock said. He reached for Jim’s robe, and helped him in to it.

“Can we keep this massage going, when we get there?” Jim smiled.

“But of course, T’hy’la…” Spock’s eyes smiled for his beloved.

They left their bathroom and walked to their bedroom.

Carefully, Spock helped Jim lay back on their bed, and loosened his robe. He kissed Jim. “You may, as ever, be somewhat unorthodox, for a human, but you are not ridiculous,” He kissed Jim yet again and rested his lips upon him, tantalizing Jim and himself, as Jim responded to the tender care he was being shown. “and you most certainly are not grotesque… Most certainly not.” He held Jim to him, and caressed him lovingly.

The End..? 13.3.12


	8. The Sweetest Moments of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy moments after the birth of Jim and Spock's son...

The Sweetest Moments Of Life…

“If you ever mention this moment,” McCoy wiped away his tears quickly, “so help me God… But I always did say you two would drive me to tears one day, you crazy pair!” McCoy said to Jim and Spock, as he sat on the end of the biobed in which Jim lay, cradling his and Spock’s new-born baby son…

The biobed had been set up in one of the spare bedrooms at Jim’s Ranch – the room itself had been scanned, sterilised, degaussed, scanned, and sterilised again, several times, in order to make it a safe place for a baby to be born into, as safe as a 23rd Century Hospital Room… This room at Kirk Ranch housed all the equipment you would find in a Delivery & Neonatal Suite, too – All brought here, along with the Vulcan Healer’s equivalent equipment, to help take care of this darling, precious new hybrid life, so that Jim could undergo the C-section that would bring his son into the world, in the privacy of his own home…

“It will not be mentioned, Doctor…” Spock said, valiantly fighting tears from his own joy.

Jim looked to his T’hy’la, and his other dear friend. His face was tear stained, too. “Thank you…” He said to each of them. “Thank you…”

“Thank you…” Spock noted reverently.

“Well, you’re here, little one, and you stayed with me the whole time, didn’t you? So, thank you, too, my sweet boy…” The doting father said to his wonderful son. Jim’s tears at that moment were mingled with tears for his eldest son, and for the life that son, Bless him, never had, for the fact that he and his first son never got to spend a lifetime together… He prayed that he and this son, this miraculous child of his and his glorious Spock’s, would live a long, safe, happy, and fulfilling life – and that he and Spock would be there to witness their dear son on many of those wonderful days of his life to come…

McCoy smiled. “I’ll just be outside, in the hallway – I think I’m going to call Joanna, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course not, Bones. Go ahead…” Jim said warmly.

Spock nodded in kind.

McCoy gently got up, and walked across the room, closing the door behind him, between the bedroom and the hallway…

“Tu Dena Val, both of you…” Spock looked at his T’hy’la, and their son, held in his dear Jim’s arms.He leaned over and kissed Jim so carefully, communicating such love, such contentment and completeness. He’d never dared hope such awesome gifts would be his. He then, very, very delicately placed a small kiss on the forehead of his so much loved new-born son.

Both men discreetly let the tears overwhelm their defences… As strong as they were together, as much joy as their bond undeniably held, and that joy was endless - they had never, until now, gifted with this truly new life to care for and about, even amidst the natural trepidation, born of the new responsibility, and wounds of family history, felt such powerful happiness…

“We had better gather our senses for when T’Lana, the Healer comes back..!” Jim smiled.

“Yes.” Spock replied, smiling considerably, looking to the two most precious souls in his world. “And, when she leaves, I must call mother and father…”

Jim smiled. “Do we have to have thought of a name for you by then? He asked his son.

“That may take some time…” Spock ‘warned’.

“I’m sure Bones will have some suggestions..! Shall we ask Uncle Leonard?” He looked to the new baby boy again.

Spock, typically, rose one of his eyebrows…

The End..?  
13.3.12


	9. The Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is feeling emotional...

The Family

“How ya doin’, Jim? McCoy asked.

“I think I’m okay…” Jim pondered.

“You think? Something feel off?” The Doctor asked. Looking more closely at his friend.

“No.” Jim grinned tiredly.

“The pills to rebalance things should be starting to work… They could be adding to the tiredness.” L.H McCoy, MD, noted. 

Jim smiled. “I’d like to be able to blame the way I’m feeling on the tad extra oestrogen you’ve been giving me… It has been just a tad disorienting; but, if you stick around a while longer? I’ll rest easier.” Jim began.

“… Tad? Yes, Jim. I promise.” McCoy smiled. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Totally…” Jim wiped away a tear. “Spock will be here in a minute, if I get too dewy eyed…”

“Bless his soul..!” McCoy said, not unkindly.

“I’m just reflective, that’s all… I have a son now. Every time I’ve ever become a father before…” Jim trailed off. “With Carol, and then, Miramanee… I screwed it up.”

“You did not!” Leonard insisted. “No such thing!” McCoy sat beside Jim. “You’ve had to deal with a lot of personal tragedy, you know that – Doesn’t mean it’ll happen again.”

Spock walked on to the veranda.

“Your Mom & Dad on babysitting duty already?” Jim looked to Spock and asked. Amanda & Sarek were visiting the new family for the first time.

Spock nodded, and sat down on the other side of Jim. “Doctor McCoy is correct, Jim. You need to stop feeling guilty.” 

“I know.” Jim noted. “I do. You know that…”

Leonard gently patted Jim on the back. “You also know you need to stop worrying!”

“That’s a parent’s job, isn’t it?” Jim looked to his friend, father of Joanna.

Leonard smiled. “Quite so much… Stop worrying quite so much!”

Jim smiled back. “I’ll try!”

“I shall try to make sure he does…” Spock promised.

McCoy grinned again.

**

Amanda held her grandson, and looked to her husband. “Brings back sweet memories, doesn’t it?” She read her husband well.

Sarek touched his fingers to her shoulder. Such love.

Amanda looked down at her grandson, and the baby boy looked back up at her. “You so look like Spock, little man…” She told him.

**

Spock linked fingers with Jim, as they sat together. McCoy had just gone inside the house to make coffee.

“I’m okay really…” Jim looked to his love.

Spock looked at Jim for a long moment.

“Bones asked me if I want to go through with an operation to remove the womb now…”Jim said.

Spock gently ‘squeezed’ Jim’s fingers, with such care in the touch. “What do you want to do?”

“When I told Leonard I wasn’t sure, he looked at me and said, ‘don’t tell me you’re already thinking of adding to the family?’ “Jim laughed a little. “And it’s not because I’m afraid of the future, it isn’t.” Jim pondered. “If there is such a thing as an afterlife, I’d guess we have a whole host of Guardian Angels up there by now, looking out for us…” Jim fathomed. “It’s like I said to you before our son came into this world, because the womb gave us him, I care about it now… I mean, if it makes me ill or anything, I’m not that illogical, it’s gone, but… That little boy, our baby boy in there, is such a gift… I’ve been through enough in life to just how much of a gift we’ve been given…”

“I understand…” Spock spoke softly. “And, Jim, you know I feel the same way… You could not be more correct. Our son is an astounding gift.”

Jim rested his weary body but thankfully refreshed mind, upon the Sanctuary Spock offered him. He then looked behind him, through the window which showed everyone else sitting in the living room. “No one else is looking – fancy a kiss?” He grinned.

Spock looked at his T’hy’la conspiratorially. And, not wasting a second more of this happiness, he took Jim into his arms and kissed him…

The End..? 15.3.12

Added Lines 23.9.20


End file.
